I Almost Do
by strikingsparks
Summary: Lizzie Bennet finally leaves a message. Takes place after Lizzie comes home, up until episode 97 of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. Title comes from the Taylor Swift song.


Lizzie knows that, sometimes, Darcy works late nights. She's left the Pemberley Digital offices, only to pass his door and see his hands click lightly on a keyboard or trace a pen across some paper to finish notes from a board meeting. Sometimes she calls out a hello; sometimes she just stands in the hall and watches him.

She shakes the thoughts of Will Darcy's hands out of her head like dirty rugs that need time to air. There are papers to write, videos to record, and little sisters to keep an eye on, but Lizzie can't help the thought that, maybe, a man sits in San Francisco, staring out his office window and thinking of her.

* * *

"You know," Charlotte says one afternoon, "If I had a handsome, quirky, rich man trying his best to woo me, I think I'd give him a call every once in a while."

"Oh, Charlotte, come on; we're not going there," Lizzie mutters as the two of them put out table settings for another dinner in the Bennet household. Since Jane's departure, Charlotte's presence has helped to fill some of the uneasy quiet that builds up among the family. Sometimes, it's also helping to slowly drive Lizzie mad.

"Sorry, I forget that you don't like to talk about your feelings to me when you can just video blog about it instead."

Lizzie exhales so loudly that her bangs flutter around on her forehead.

"He'd probably think I was presumptuous if I just called. Besides, I have no idea where we were headed."

"He asked you to his private theater box seat, Lizzie! That's not exactly a 'thanks for doing a great job shadowing at my company' gift."

"Just put the stupid forks and napkins where they belong, Charlotte."

* * *

Lizzie feels pretty wary when she posts the video with Caroline in it. She knows that she's done what she can to defend both herself and Darcy, but she's still afraid of what he'll think of her reaction and her words.

_C'mon, Lizzie,_ she reminds herself. _He's probably not even watching your videos anymore, so what does it matter? _

She fights off nausea as the video views skyrocket and tries to convince herself that telling off a rather rich and powerful heiress was a good idea, even when that heiress may be right.

Maybe her involvement in Will Darcy's life is disastrous.

Maybe he's realized that fact, and that's why he hasn't called.

* * *

Lizzie is not as bold as Lydia once was, but rarely has she ever been labeled as hesitant or unsure of herself. She's terrified, however, when she films her first video after Caroline's unexpected appearance. By this point, Lizzie has convinced herself that Darcy can no longer possibly be watching her videos, even if she only believes it because she doesn't want to think about how utterly embarrassing and raw her reaction was to Caroline otherwise. However, she knows that some people still do: Charlotte, Jane, probably Caroline and Gigi, maybe Fitz, and a few other hundred thousand people are all studying her every word and mannerism. It's a little unnerving when, really, the only thing that she has to discuss is her complete lack of knowledge as related to William Darcy.

So, being the coward and clown that she is, she reverts to costume theater. Lizzie jokes through most of her characterizations, imaging what Jane might tell her and how Fitz would say the text he sent her. She even throws in Gigi, laughing to herself at the younger woman's obvious attempts to pair her off with her brother. When she gets to Charlotte, though, things become significantly more awkward.

Lizzie and Charlotte have been friends for years and, besides, they've practically had this conversation already. Lizzie knows that Charlotte thinks her fear of calling Darcy is ridiculous; she has to admit that it's a little stupid herself, but even the thought of his number, residing in the phone sitting beside her, makes her chest shudder. There has already been so much grief in the Bennet house over the last year, and Lizzie isn't entirely sure she's willing to risk adding to it.

But Lizzie has also never been pleased with unresolved situations or the thought that, maybe, the man she feels something big and important towards is not going to speak to her unless she makes it clear that she wants to hear from him.

She calls, leaves what feels like the world's most awkward voice mail, and hangs up as quickly as she can.

* * *

If she were to say that she wasn't disappointed when the wet individual standing on her doorstep in a storm turned out to be Charlotte, Lizzie knows she'd be a complete liar. She also realizes that Charlotte knows her frustration; in the video's opening segment, she can tell that her best friend is rolling her eyes as Lizzie acts her perkiest, despite the fact that Darcy hasn't done so much as shoot her a text.

Of course, Charlotte has always been able to press Lizzie for the truth and, if anything, being on the videos only encourages her to do this more openly, so Lizzie spends a few minutes mourning the lack of contact from her favorite uptight hipster. When the delivery guy arrives and Charlotte leaves the room, Lizzie tries to take a moment to be thankful and instead finds herself envying Jane and Bing's relationship and its fresh start so much that she thinks about just turning the camera off for the night. Instead, she decides to make sure Charlotte doesn't need help tipping for their food.

And then a man in a dress shirt, vest, and tie enters the room and just the very edge of the still filming camera's view, saying, "Excuse me, Lizzie."

Silence permeates the air for a moment before she stutters out, "I thought- you were Chinese."


End file.
